“what’s ‘ego’, mom?”

by 美儀

As I was jogging along the track, I saw her. Drowned in a yellow t-shirt and red shorts which looked like long tracks on her, she had her hand clasp around a plastic toy porshe and a remote in the other. Preoccupied by her thoughts, she paced around.

Later, I found her at the edge of the court, where all the other boys were. They had their cars and remotes, all up in their big boy conversation. And there she was, carefully placing the red car near the edge of the court. She stood back up and slowly accelerated the vehicle. With her head hung low, she was silent.

At my nth lap of trudging around, I saw her dragging her feet towards the exit of the park. She came, she fulfilled her mission, and went home.

I realized there was a time when boys and girls didn’t really like each other. When everyone had a responsibility to appear to be cool for others, but not be friends or know each other at all. There was also a time when games prioritized laughter and fun, never about love or those kind of relationships.

She also reminded me of me. Though, I don’t know if it is fair for her to be compared to my grey memories.

I vividly remember..it was one of those days. At 5pm, we would meet in the park right across the street. Some days we would play ‘ship’ above the wooden equipment, skipping over missing planks and lying on abandoned tattered mattresses in the cement tunnels. Some days someone would bring plasticine or spinning tops and we’d gather on the bench tables. Though on that very day, we played badminton. When it came to badminton, I was always lugging extras with me because some of my buddies didn’t have racquets.

After a few serves and misses, a girl finally made her entrance to the park. My friend who was suppose to return my hit smashed my racquet onto the cement floor. She whipped around and ran to the other girl yelling her name.

At that time, I felt as if she had slapped me in the face. I never did realize that I wasn’t top friend, that I had to do something more to gain recognition to up my level of importance in their eyes. Sulking, I wished I dared to create a scene in which they were featured for shattering my end of our friendship.

Today it occurred to me, that even the littlest girl has her pride to uphold. And we just grow up that way.

It may seem to be of the past, but we are still the same today. Perhaps we just found bigger issues to deal with.

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